06.30.05
7:44pm

What a good day it has turned out to be.  First of all, Mary is staying with us for two nights while Cathy and Rob are out of town.  So, I decided that since her birthday is coming up so soon, that I would take her shopping.  Now, I ended up spending more than I intended, but I think that it was a good thing.  I couldn't help but buy her this one outfit that looked so beautiful on her.  I am hoping that she will wear it Sunday to church.  I also got her some movies and another really pretty shirt.  Taking her shopping made me realize something.  I am going to really love taking Evelyn shopping with me when she is old enough to enjoy it.  I realize this because I just had so much fun taking Mary with me.  Maybe the fun doesn't stop when your kids grow up, maybe there is just new fun things to do that replace the old things you did.  I hope that is true.  And I hope Evelyn wants to do them with me. 

I still need to go to the grocery store tonight though.  I am realizing that it is just easier that way.  It would be way to difficult to take the baby and Isaiah.  I think that I should just stick to night time shopping.  Speaking of going out at night.  I think that we might take advantage of Mary being here and go see a movie tonight.  War of the Worlds starts today, and I think that would be the one I want to go watch.  Although The Longest Yard is also one I want to see. 

12:58am  We just got back about an hour ago from watching War of the Worlds.  It was very intense.  I recommend it highly.  Evelyn is busy crying yet again.  Although I must say that last night was great.  She went to bed at around 10pm and slept till 4am when she wanted to eat.  I got a good amount of sleep that night.  I hope she does as good tonight, she stopped crying just now, so maybe that is a good sign. 

I read a verse today that I really liked out of my old bible, it was one that I had previously underlined. 

Galatians 2:20
I have been crucified with Christ, and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me.  The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me. 

I like that one a lot.  It rings true inside my heart.  Bye.

                     Extremes of Emotion Distort Love

When we encounter our first love, we are overwhelmed.  We see what we want to see, rather than what there is.  We do not understand when others are not astounded by the beauty, warmth, strength, and brilliance of our loved one.  It is like the fabled magical glassed which, when worn, were capable of creating a paradise out of hell.  Reality, it would seem, casts an unendurable glare.  Emotional extremes that distort our perception of reality are capable of making fools of us all.  These states are usually transitory and are rarely conductive to sound judgment.  If we are willing to wait, however, we learn a sense of balance.  Passions are ripened rather than inflamed; adoration is tempered with moderation.  This is not to say that we lose our fire or become emotionally limp.  It is only a reminder that we need to remove the emotional blinders so that we can trust our vision. 

                    A man must see, before he can say.
 
                                 By: Henry David Thoreau

06.30.05
4:25pm

Romans 14:1-9

Accept him whose faith is weak, without passing judgment on disputable matters.  One mans faith allows him to eat everything, but another man, whose faith is weak, eats only vegetables.  The man who eats everything must not look down on him who does not, and the man who does not eat everything must not condemn the man who does, for God has accepted him.  Who are you to judge someone else's servant?  To his own master he stands or falls.  And he will stand, for the Lord is able to make him stand.  One man considers one day more sacred than another, another man considers everyday alike.  Each one should be fully convinced in his own mind.  He who regards one day as special, does so to the Lord.  He who eats meat, eats to the Lord, for he gives thanks to God; and he who abstains, does so to the Lord and gives thanks to God.  For none of us lives to himself alone and none of us dies to himself alone.  If we live, we live to the Lord; and if we die, we die to the Lord.  S, whether we live or die, we belong to the Lord.  For this very reason, Christ died and returned to life so that he might be the Lord of both the dead and the living. 

I really like those verses a lot.  One thing that drives me insane is when people think that what is bad for them, must be bad for everyone.  Especially people in the church.  Some people believe that it is wrong to listen to certain music because it will influence your actions.  Or that TV shows will make you cheat on your spouse.  I have had people tell me very sarcastically things like, "  Your watching that movie?  I thought you were a Christian?"  Does being a Christian mean that I can't enjoy some fictional entertainment?  Heck no!  Just because watching a rated R movie might be a sinful act for one person, that doesn't mean that it is for us all.  I have had people even try telling me what kind of music I can listen too  It's ridiculous.  What is bad for one person is not necessarily bad for all, and I wish more people would know this fact.  I get so sick and tired of people acting like it is a bad thing that I watch rated R movies, or listen to certain music.  After all, it's not my fault that watching movies like that makes them feel bad, it doesn't affect me like that at all.  And then I also can't stand it when people who aren't Christian's do the whole thing where they say, "I thought you were a Christian?"  or, "A Christian shouldn't be doing that."  UGH!  Ten bucks says those kinds of people haven't even opened a bible in the last 10 years.  I think that has got to be one of my biggest pet peeves. 

On a happier note.  Isaiah and I had a great day together.  While Evelyn was sleeping we went outside and played in his pool.  It was so fun to be in the with him wrestling around and knocking him down into the water.  I love doing things like that.  We even had pizza for dinner.  (It's 5:57pm now, so we had to eat something, see how long it takes me to write this thing, there is constantly other stuff going on around here.)  Isaiah is so funny and cute. 

So I confirmed today that my friend Tiffany and I are indeed throwing our friend Jessica a baby shower.  It will be here, since I have the bigger house, and it will be on August 20th.  I think that is more than enough time to plan it.  This will be my second time throwing a shower.  I think that I am pretty good at it.  I am a take charge kind of girl when given the responsibility.  Actually, I love being put in charge of things that are of interest to me.  Take the church nursery for example. 

I have been having to let Evelyn cry a lot more lately.  She is starting to get the hint though even at this young age and is learning how to go to sleep on her own.  I am glad.  She just wants to held so much and I just don't have the time.  I mean I have another kid here and a house to clean up.  So she is having to deal with it, just like Isaiah has to deal with certain changes too.   I think that she will be fine though, I can tell she is going to catch on quickly. 

Ok, so James had some great news when he came home tonight.  I can't talk about it just yet.  But, please say a pray that Gods will be done.  Hopefully, it will be what we want to have happen...but if not, praise God anyway...it is all for the good.  Bye.

                                  Self-Sacrifice

Sacrifice for personal gain is demeaning and unnatural.  But, illuminated by love, self-sacrifice becomes sacred.  Too often we have heard, "After all I have given you, this is the way you show your gratitude?"  This, and so many other familiar, pitiful manipulations are degrading to any concept of love.  They imply a bartering by placing conditions and expectations upon us to repay in kind.  When we give up something for someone we love, no matter how great the sacrifice, there can be no conditions.  What we do, we do because we will it, free of implications of future payment, or debt, or guilt.  Only in this way is sacrifice a healthy manifestation of love. 

  Love that asketh love again, finds the barter naught but pain.  Love that giveth in full store, aye receives as much and more.

                                   By: Dinah Mulock Craik

06.29.05
12:07am

At around 10:30pm tonight Evelyn rolled over for the first time.  We had her laying on Isaiah's bed, and we were kissing him  goodnight, when all of a sudden she rolled from her back to her tummy.  It took her a couple seconds, but she did it.  I was so excited.  I love seeing all of these little milestones that are all going to add up to her eventually crawling, and then walking.  She is going to do all that stuff so fast, just like her brother.  She was so good last night too.  She ate around midnight, and didn't wake up again until 6am.  Then she went back to sleep until 9am.  I actually got 8 hours of sleep!  Seems impossible, but it's true.  I hope she does it again tonight, but since right now she is crying in her room, I don't know if that will be the case.

Today was such a great day.  We got our checks in the mail via some delivery service and as of today all of our major debts are paid off.  The car...paid off, student loan...paid off, credit card...paid off, extra money to buy a new car...in the bank!  I am so excited about it.  It feels so good to know that you only are in debt to your house.  No more stupid monthly payments on stupid bills.  I think that this is really going to help us a lot when it comes to being able to get things for the kids, and giving money to the church on a regular basis.  I have been praying that God would make that possible.  With any luck we won't even have to use all the money for a new car, and we will have some extra. 

I went to Wal-Mart this evening in hopes of finding some cheap shirts to wear to replace all the ones that got ruined in the dryer.  I couldn't believe that they had no decent T-Shirts.  All of the girl T-Shirts were stupid.  They either had cutsie little pictures on them, or they said dumb phrases.  And then, when I tried to find more dressed up shirts in my size they were all ugly.  Like they think that women of my size don't want cute clothes.  They all had ugly flower patterns and were designed to do anything but compliment your body shape.  I know that I could find some really great clothes at Lane Bryant if I went, but I don't want to spend that kind of money until I get to my final weight.  This is so frustrating.

                                     Analyzing Love

I wonder why it seems so important these days to analyze everything.
Someone says, "I love you," and we feel we should question what they mean.  We want to know what they are really saying and wonder what they are really feeling.  We spend endless hours dissecting why someone would say this or say that, putting under a microscope things that would be better simply accepted. 

It is certainly true that the more we know about something or someone, the more we can understand them.  But we can never know everything about anything and that's alright too.  There is a certain magic in the fact that even after a lifetime of relating the deepest feelings, thoughts and actions may remain incomprehensible. 

What we need to know about loving is no great mystery.  We all know what constitutes loving behavior; we need but act upon it, not continually question it.  Over analysis often confuses the issue and in the end brings us no closer to insight.  We sometimes become too busy classifying, separating, and examining , to remember that love is easy.  It's we who make it complicated.

       A man lives by believing something, not by debating and arguing about many things.

By: Thomas Carlyle

06.28.05
10:45pm

While coming home from a walk with Isaiah I saw 4 of the neighborhood kids being as dumb as dumb can be.  They were taking turns running into the middle of Hutchins Street without looking for cars and then running back.  This seriously made me mad.  I mean how dumb can they be.  I doubt that they even fully realized what could happen to them too.  So...I took it upon myself to tell them.  I don't know if they really heard me, but I think that it is possible that the older one did.  Either way they are a bunch of idiots and I really feel bad for the parents.  I mean they have no idea how their death would affect those that they love.  They are just reckless and think of no one else.  Makes me sick.  I sincerely hope that I raise my children better then that.  Inconsiderate kids bugs the heck out of me. 

I am hoping that while I am typing this up Evelyn will fall asleep.  Although I don't know if that means that I will fall asleep, as I am watching a movie called House of Flying Daggers with James.  So, odds are I will be tired in the morning.  Isaiah has been sleeping in a lot lately.  Almost till 10 every day now.  Something I wish I could do.  He is also doing really well with his potty training.  I am very proud of him.  I just hope that he continues to progress. 

But, other than that I went shopping today and bought a movie while I was out, and bought Isaiah a backpack that he loves.  He is really into it.  I think that he likes the fact that he has one like James does.  He is such a cutie. 

I was looking through my first bible, the one that I got when I was baptized at church when I was nine years old.  Even at that age and a little bit older, I had started writing in it and underlining certain verses.  I found a couple that I  think I had memorized in Awanas.  I thought that I would share them with you. 

Ephesians 2:4-5
But because of his great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions--it is by grace you have been saved.

1 Peter 3:18
For Christ died for sins once for all, the righteous for the unrighteous, to bring you to God.  He was put to death in the body, but made alive by the Spirit. 

Anyway, I like those ones.  I actually was pretty good in Awanas too.  I had a lot of verses memorized and I only really remember one still.   I don't know what chapter it is or what book, but I know it.  For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord. 

Well, that's all for now.  I will talk to you all tomorrow.  Bye.
 

You Are Enough

We must be careful not to fall victim to the idea that we are unlovable because we are too much of this and not enough of that.  We are fine just the way we are.  Diversity is life.  There are armies of individuals, for example, who love tall people, or short people, or brunettes, or blondes, or thin people or heavy people, or silent types, or verbal types, and on and on.  The more we are unapologetic about who we are, the more we are assured of lasting love.  With patience we discover those who will cherish us.  Then we will have a lifetime  free of artifice and deception and the freedom to be who we are. 

No change brings happiness unless the way it is effected involves ascent.  The happy man is therefore the man who, without any direct search for happiness, inevitably finds joy as an added bonus in the act of forging ahead and attaining the fullness of his own self. 

By:  Pierre Teilhard De Chardin

 

06.27.05
9:16am

I am so mad.  Last night I had this dumb thing all typed out, it was a long one too, and then what happens?  I hit the save button, and it starts saving, and saving, and saving, and won't stop.  Why?  Because once again there was a problem with the internet over here and after trying everything else possible, I had to end the program and lost everything that I had typed out.  By this time it was already 1am and I was not going to sit there and write it all out again.  Makes me mad though. So....to quickly tell you about my day yesterday, I will say that church was excellent!  I really enjoyed the guy who did the sermon.  I can't wait to hear him next week.  I love when I get to hear a powerful sermon that really grabs a hold of you.  On a down note, we forgot that it was a combined service and showed up late.  That was not good.  But it did give me an opportunity to go into the nursery and talk to the girls about what I was doing and what I was going to be doing.  They really liked the paint job that my dad and I did too.  I think that we will be working on that this Saturday again as well. 

Yesterday felt like it flew by.  When I got home I started cleaning things that I had not planned on cleaning.  I decided that the garage needed to look better and so I started taking care of it.  I broke down all the boxes that were stacked up and threw away trash, swept the floor, and cleaned up the work bench.  It looks pretty nice now.  All we have to do is borrow my dads truck now and take all the junk to the dump.  We should be able to do that this weekend.  (Hey, Isaiah just woke up, finally.)  Anyway, I am going to end this now though so that way I have stuff to write about tonight.  Bye.

                                        Love's Priorities

     A successful way to determine how much we truly care for someone is to discern how high their happiness and welfare are on our priority list.  This may sound mechanical and arbitrary, but it is a simple and reliable indicator for measuring our love.
     We all have personal priorities, whether conscious or not, when it comes to how we apportion our time and the social choices we make.  For example, how often do we place our own needs and desires over those of the people we love?  Is our lover's desire to attend a dinner party on a specific evening more important that our missing a baseball game, a concert, or a night out with the girls or boys?  Do we keep loved ones waiting because we consider our time far more valuable than theirs?  Just how willing are we to postpone our desires and reorder our priorities for their happiness?
     This does not mean that we should be constantly readjusting our lives for the sake of others.  It does suggest that we might be more able to judge how much we value our loving relationships by taking an honest look at our behavioral priorities.

     To love is to place our happiness in the happiness of another.
     
                         By: Gottfried Wilhelm Van Lubreitz

06.25.05
8:33pm

Well, I woke up this morning after having very little sleep, and got ready as fast as I could.  I let Mary sleep till 9:30am, and we were gonna leave at 10am.  We actually left as scheduled, I was in shock with myself.  When I got to the Patterson's house I came in to talk about some stuff, and in the process got a good laugh at Pastor Rob's mention of me in his blog.  Yes people I do know that there are not people living in my TV.  I even know how a TV works.  It's hard to believe I realize, after all, the Galt education I received isn't the best, but yes I do know.   Honestly I just always thought that the word broadcasting meant that there was a person "speaking" out loud for all to hear.  Like a news broadcaster.  But I guess not.  Pastor Rob is lucky I love him...or else I would have to let loose all those raging hormones that I still have in me from the pregnancy.  lol  j/k

Anyway though, I got to the church and my mom and dad were already there waiting for me.  My mom took Evelyn out to visit family, and my dad and I got to work.  Wow!  We got a good amount done.  Of course my dad is a pro, so it doesn't take him long anyway.  But we got the one room where the cribs were all painted, we just need to do some touch ups and the molding around the wall.  It looks great.  We will be going back next Saturday to do some more.  I need to remember to bring a radio though, because it was so annoying not having any music. 

Also, I went out with my mother in law tonight and bought curtains for the kids bedrooms.  They look great.  I also bought some plants for my front yard.  They will hopefully grow to become big and beautiful.  And this time I got smart, which is not normal with me usually, and bought some snail killer.  Those buggers will not ruin my plants this time around.  And if they do, well, it will be war.  I sprinkled the stuff around all the plants, and I didn't consider the fact that the wind was blowing, so odds are my pants are sprinkled with poison.  That just means more laundry. 

James got his new game today.  So I think it is safe to say goodbye to him.  I won't be hearing much from him.  lol  Well, hopefully it won't be as bad as usual, after all we have Evelyn now and he has been a big help, but don't count on seeing him wide awake for church in the morning, I assume that he will be be staying up incredibly late tonight playing it online with Kevin and Jeff.  At least I will have company when I am in the living room feeding Evelyn.  Or, I could just stay in my room and do it, after all, it's not like James will be in there sleeping.  I really just don't understand how guys can play these games for hours on end like that.  It would give me a headache.  The man is insane.  That is the only possible answer.  Whatever. 

Anyway, that is all.  I am done, finished.  So that just means it's time for me to write my "All About Love" stuff.  Enjoy.

                             The Art of Staying In Love

Our library shelves are full of volumes telling us how to win at the game of love.  The problem is that most deal with love as a game, but they do not want to be hampered by the rules.  Add to that a regrettably large number of people who are unaware that there are rules at all.  Falling in love is easy.  In fact, it is so easy that some manage to do so regularly.  The passion they call love rarely proceeds beyond the glandular stage, or to be more precise, is seldom discerned above the belt.  This love represents little more than a carnal expression which, when realized, diminishes in force until the next time it is reactivated by a new love interest.  Staying in love requires far more from us.  To satisfy the senses may be the major challenge for some, but it is actually the easiest part.  The mind and spirit require continual attention and stimulation as well.  It is not until we assume responsibility for the enhancement of the total self that love can survive. 

   You can work at something for twenty years and come away with twenty years worth of valuable experience, or you can come away with one year's experience twenty times. 

                                        By: Gwen Jackson

06.24.05
10:43pm

Well, what a day.  I tried to get out of the house this morning to go work on the church nursery but I soon realized that it was impossible.  By the time 11am came I was still feeling very chaotic.  Finally, with James' help, I was able to get out of the house after noon.  It was insane.  But I finally got there and picked up Mary on the way.  She helped me take apart that other crib and watch the kids while I was there.  She is a very big help.  So much so that I asked her to stay the night and baby sit while James and I went to the movies.  It was awesome, the movie was great.  We went and saw Mr. and Mrs. Smith.  It was so good.  Full of action, comedy, an A+.  And wow Angelina Jolie was so great.  And as usual Brad Pitt was just as gorgeous as ever.  You can't not like him.  Isaiah was really good for Mary though while she was babysitting, and so was Evelyn, she ate all her bottle and slept most of the time.  Today at the nursery my grandma Sheila came over today while I was there just to say hello, and while she was there she mentioned that she liked those gold colored chairs that are in there.  She asked if she could buy them.  I was like, wow, really, you like those?  So, after confirming that yes indeed I have the right to make that kind of decision now.  I sold them to her and am going to use the money towards something for the nursery.  I was thinking about looking at some garage sales for a crib, but I think that I should probably wait though and see of anyone at the church has a good one to donate.  Yea, I think that I will do that. 

So, anyway, I also took Mary out to lunch/dinner, and we had a good time there too.  Brought something back for dinner for James just to be nice.  lol...I'm just kidding.  I asked him if he wanted something.  After all, he is a great man.  A really great man. 

So anyway, nothing else really happening today.  Tomorrow morning though I will be with my mom and dad hopefully getting ready to paint in the nursery.  I really hope that it turns out good.  I am really excited about trying to improve it all.  I asked for some more money in the budget, some of it just temporary for the painting, but I hope that it is approved.  If not, I will figure something out.  Just have to wait and see.  Anyway, that's it for now.  Here is your daily dose of "All About Love".

                     Never Tire of Saying "I Love You".

Such a simple phrase.  "I love you," yet I cannot think of any words with greater power.  Francois Villion, the French poet, wrote, "I love you.  These are easy words to say, yet my heart fails as I say them, for their meaning is as full and musical as the bell of doom.  We should never tire of expressing love, for certainly we never tire of hearing it expressed.  Strange how simple it is for us to use these words with inanimate things.  We feel safe in loving our car, a new coat, or spaghetti and meatballs.  But we have grave difficulties verbalizing our love for other human beings, even to those closest to us.  In my Love Class I require that each student go home, look their father in the eyes and say, "I Love You, Dad."  This assignment was the source of great immense anxiety.  The response from Dad was always surprising, ranging from total shock, a stammered, "I'm glad, but what's with you?" to "I know that.  You don't have to tell me."  The message, I love you," is not something that goes without saying.  To the contrary, it needs to be said whenever and wherever love is present. 

                There is more hunger for love and appreciation
                              in this world than for bread. 

                                    By: Mother Theresa

P.S. Pastor Rob, the people broadcasting from my TV are hungry again, I don't know what to feed them.  lol  (inside joke)

06.23.05
6:40pm

Wow, I just got done having an hour nap.  Do you realize that now totals 2 naps that I have had since having Evelyn.  And, speaking of which, today she is a month old!  How did that go by so dang fast?  This is the problems with babies, they take up all of your time, and so thus, time just flies by since you are too busy to notice anything else.  But then because of that they also grow up way too fast.  I hate the fact that the infant stage is so short.  It is really just unfair.  Already I can see changes starting to happen in her.  Staying awake longer and things like that.  Which I might add only makes things harder.  When all they do is sleep, it is really easy to have 2 kids.  But when she is up longer, well, trying to keep her happy and Isaiah is a harder task.  I'll manage though. 

Today was basically a boring day though.  Saturday my mom and dad are going to the church with me to get an idea of what we want to do in regards to painting and stuff.  Hopefully I will even be able to do some painting.  I also had an idea of painting the alphabet and some numbers all around the walls.  That way the nursery workers can ask the kids to point out letters and numbers to them.  It will help with their learning.  I could paint the walls one solid color first, and then after that get some chalk, draw in the letters and numbers, and then use some of my acrylic paint to add the color.  I think that I am going to just use some of my own paints if I have enough.  Don't expect any big results to soon though, all this is going to take awhile.  After all, I do have a life.  lol  So I won't be over there all the time working on it. 

Well, those new curtains that I bought look really nice, and even though they are sheer, and you can see through them, people can not see in here.  I think that is so cool.  They only time they can see in is at night when we have the lights on in here.  But today I went out and looked in from the yard, and I couldn't see anything.  I even walked right up to them and put my head against the window, and I couldn't even see the TV.  I am seriously impressed.  But since they are sheer, and light does come through them, I am going to still by some thicker ones to go over them, that way I can open the thicker ones, get light in, but no one will be able to look in.  Cool huh?  I already ordered the ones I want.  Cost more than I wanted.  Hopefully James won't mind.  When he told me to do whatever I wanted, I doubt that he thought it meant $76.00.  Don't men know you should never say that to a girl while she is shopping?  Just asking for trouble.  Although it doesn't matter right now, since we have extra money from refinancing. 

James has been playing the demo of this new game called Battlefield.  He and his friends play online at night.  He already preordered it, and it should be here any day now.  I can only imagine that I will see him even less when it comes.  I have a hard time telling James to turn off his games sometimes, simply because I know how much he loves them, and I like for him to be happy.  Although there are those occasions when he has been on them for way too long, and then I have to speak up.  After all, six hours playing a game is a bit much.

Anyway, that is all that happened to me today.  Now for your daily does of "All About Love".

                             Love Doesn't Keep Score

Sharing in love does not mean keeping a sheet of who is doing what and who is doing more.  There will be times when we must give more than what we get, but there will be other moments when we will need and receive  more than we are able to give.  Keeping score belongs in competitive sports, not in a mutually supportive  relationship.  True love is wanting to give to another person without any thought about who's getting the better of the deal.  The idea that love involves some sort of quid pro quo is, at best, an immaturity that needs to be outgrown.  At worst, it is a distortion of love that urns two people into unhappy combatants vying for control. 

Of all the games that lovers play, this can be one of the most delicate.  When the players are mature enough and care enough to stop keeping score, the contest is over.  Love has declared another victory.

            There are many truths of which the full meaning
                          cannot be realized  until personal
                          experience has brought it home.

                                    By: John Stuart Mill

06.22.05
10:42pm

When I was dating James and we had already fallen on love, I started to have a lot of what I called "bad thoughts" running through my head.  I kept on doing the whole "what if?" thing.  Questioning whether or not I really loved James, or just thought that I did.  It caused quite a bit of pain for James and I as I am sure you can imagine.  At one point I felt so confused that I even mentioned breaking up to James, to which he looked more sad than I have ever seen him.  He told me to never ever say that again, and I think that he even cried some.  To see him like that hurt me immensely.  But still, I had to try to sort out why I was having such strange thoughts...especially since I knew I loved him.  Well, lots of different things happened...one of which was realizing that when you love someone you care when they are hurting, which I did when I saw how hurt he was, and another thing was realizing that love is not just a feeling.  I was not always going to feel all mushy for him and have butterflies in my tummy.  Sometimes you just feel normal.  But, during that time my mom tried to help me too, and she went to the library and found some books about love.  She photo copied the pages and gave them to me to read.  They really helped me a lot.  Today I was cleaning out my filing cabinet and found them.  I started reading them and realized that they could be helpful to anyone...and so I thought that I would write one section in this journal every night until I run out of them.  I imagine that it will be about 2 weeks worth, maybe less.  I will type that in at the end. 

Tonight I went shopping and bought my new curtains.  They look really nice and I am starting to contemplate staying up later to put them up.  They are a very nice maroon color and have a silky material. 
While I was at the store I noticed that I parked next to a big SUV that had a infant car seat in the passenger front seat.  That is completely against the law.  I was hoping that maybe they just had a packed car, with like 5 other car seats in the back, but no, it was empty.  So basically that mom or dad is risking there child's life simply for convenience.  Don't they realize that the air bag can kill them.  And even if it is turned off, it doesn't matter, it is safer in the back!!!  Makes me sick. 

Ok, so anyway, that is all for me.  But here is your first dose of what I am going to call, "All About Love".

                             Stop Questioning, just love,
                          and you will have solved it's mystery.

With something as complex and all consuming as love, it is not unexpected that we should choose to move judiciously.  This is especially understandable when we feel that love has somehow wronged us.  Ego wounds heal slowly, the more so when we take defeat and failure as a sign that we are unlovable.  To continually analyze everything and everyone we associate with love prevents us from making sound judgments.  Eventually it immobilizes us.  Why and how and who we love does not benefit from microscopic scrutiny. 

A reader wrote to tell me of her problem with falling with in love.  The more time she spent analyzing and anticipating the possible course of the of the relationship in question , the more impossible it became for her to make a decision.  "Perhaps," she concluded, "I should just stop questioning and just love into the answers."  Perhaps.

                             Not to decide is to decide.

                                   By: Harvey Cox

06.21.05
12:28am

Tonight I went to Wal-Mart to buy a couple things.  You know what you can always see at Wal-Mart late at night while shopping.  Goth teenagers roaming around in the store.  I don't know why that is, but they seem to enjoy roaming around the store chatting and playing in the toy aisle.  I suppose that I can kin of relate though.  When I was in middle school and we would be walking home or just walking around, we would often go into stores and hang out in there.  I guess it was just something to do.  Of course what else are you going to do when you live in Galt?  One time I even played hide and seek in a store with some friends.  That was fun. 

Ok, so I decided that the crib I mentioned earlier that was broken, really does just need to get dumped.  I don't think that it is a good idea to have it there.  After all, it can't be safe to have a baby in a crib that has a broken leg.  So...I am going to get rid of that too.  Unfortunately, that means that there will be nothing in the nursery for babies to sleep in. So, I will be bringing in my bassinette that I am currently not using, but that is not permanent, it's just for now.  Basically what I would like to have happen is that I could find a crib for sale at a yard sale, or maybe some really nice playpens.  If anyone has one they would like to donate, please let me know so I can look at it first though.  I want to make sure that it would be something that would work out in the nursery. 

Also...today I took a walk with Isaiah and it must have really wore him out because by the end there I was dragging him.  And I was in a hurry since we had company coming over. 

Anyway, Evelyn is doing really good.  She is such a good baby.  I think that she is just getting prettier everyday.  I love her so much.  I especially love resting my head against hers and just closing my eyes.  It feels so nice to have her in my arms.  Isaiah is also doing great.  Today he went potty in the toilet 3 times!!!  I was so proud of him.  Finally we are having progress. We are seriously excited.  So we have been giving him a small candy every time he does it.  I really hope that he continues to progress with this...I am sick of carrying around two diaper bags. 

Well that's it I am done for the night.  Talk to you all later.  Bye.

06.20.05
1:10am

Happy Anniversary to me.  Today James and I have been married for 7 years.  Time really does fly by, and your brain sometimes doesn't even realize it, because I still remember dating him like it was just yesterday.  And you know what I miss most about the whole dating thing?  I miss how romantic James was.  One Valentines Day he got me a glass rose.  It was beautiful.

Today I spent most of my day away from James though.  I was at the church organizing the nursery.  I bought some drinks and snacks for the kids, and purchased some containers for the toys to be in.  I cleaned up the crib area, and got rid of the little cribs like I said I would, but I think that I might have to get rid of the other one too.  Turns out that it is missing one of the metal hooks that holds up the part on the bottom that supports the mattress.  And, one of the wheels is broken.  So, if I can't get it fixed, I will need to find another crib and or play pin.  Preferably one of the ones that they sell now that has a bassinet you can attach.  If you know where one is at let me know. I am also going to start looking for some better toys.  Most if not all of the toys that are in there are very old and out dated.  I would like to get some newer stuff in there.  But, for now I have it looking pretty dang good.  I am really proud of myself. 

Also, today we signed the papers for refinancing the house.  It is going to be really nice this month to not pay a house payment or a car payment.  Not that we are going to be spending it on fun stuff.  The only new thing that I am getting is new curtains and some plants for the front yard.  That's my excitement.  lol 

Anyway, it was a good day though and now that I have said that, I can also say goodnight.  I am tired.  Bye.

P.S.  Thanks to Mellissa for all the help. 

06.19.05
12:01am

Happy Fathers Day to all you dads out there.  Although I highly doubt that more than 5 dads read this.  I am betting my main audience is women.  Just a theory, but I think I am right.  Today was a good day.  Church was good, and Evelyn did really good in the nursery.  I had a surprise happen while I was at church.  I was asked to be in charge of the nursery.  I guess Virginia Parker is not going to be doing it anymore, and they needed someone else to take over.  Laverne said that they thought I would do a good job.  I thought that was so nice of them to ask me, and I said yes.  I am so excited about it too.  I am just overflowing with ideas.  I am going to try so hard to make the nursery better.  I want to paint the walls, get the cribs in shape so babies, like Evelyn, can use them while they are there.  I want to also have that area where the cribs are at be used as a baby play area.  Two of the cribs in there are not up to safety standards, so they will have to go, and then I will keep the other brown one, raise the mattress up, and get some crib sheets and blankets for it.  We can put some little toys in there for babies so that way they can play without having to be around the bigger kids who are running around everywhere.  That way, we will have a section for infants to 1 year old babies, and then the bigger section will be for the older kids.  Then, I want to start taking advantage of the refrigerator that is in there and start stocking it with milk, juice, and some healthy snacks like apples and bananas.  Maybe even some yogurt.  Things that are not going to wire the kids up on sugar.  I mean some sweet snacks are good, but I don't want Isaiah eating cookies all day while he is there, and I know that they, the kids, must get tired of snacking on cheerios.  Anyway, so I have lots of ideas.  I am going to start doing stuff this week I hope.  I really am so excited. 

We went to my in-laws today for  that BBQ and we had a good time.  The food was excellent.  OH!! I almost forgot to tell you something that was so cool.  Last night Evelyn ate around midnight, then she fell asleep at 1am, well get this, she didn't wake up again to eat until 7:30am!! I can't believe that we got 6 hours sleep! I woke up from her crying and couldn't believe that the sun was already out. When I went in to go get her, I didn't even feed her right away. I went into the bathroom,  then I  changed her diaper and she wasn't even screaming to eat. I think that's pretty good for a 4 week old baby. Hopefully we'll get to sleep that long again tonight.  Lately, Isaiah has been sleeping all night too.  Usually a couple times a week, he'll wake up at night crying from a bad dream. But ever since we had the baby he seems to sleep straight through without any problems.  And no, he doesn't have bad dreams on the nights that he watches monster movies, just incase you were wondering. 

Oh did I mention that Wednesday night our friend Kevin stayed the night. Since I breastfeed, we made him sleep on the futon in Isaiah's room. Well I guess at some point in the night Isaiah woke up and saw that someone was in his room. So he got down to take a better look at the perpetrator. Kevin woke up with a 3 foot tall pigmy watching him sleep! lol. He told me that is not the first time either. Awhile ago when he was sleeping on our sofa, Isaiah woke up, walked down the hall and found Kevin on the couch, stared at him for a little bit, said hello, and then went back to his room.  If you ask me... once is weird, twice is just creepy!  What a odd little boy, although I do not rule out the possibility that he could have been sleep walking.  Anyway, that's all for now, gotta go.  Bye.

06.18.05
10:24pm

Well, you should now have 2 entries to read.  Once again I could not post my journal, although this time it was for a different reason.  Isaiah had erased the username I needed to log into Front Page, which incase you don't know is a program that I use to put it on here.  So, I guess that is just what happens when you have a kid who knows how to turn your computer on, and get into all your programs.  I wrote the username down this time do I won't have to email Tom Lane and Pastor Rob for it again.  Hopefully Isaiah won't lose that either.

Today I went with my dad to see the movie, Batman Begins.  It was really good.  I got so excited watching him become Batman, and it gave me chills when he went out and started hunting down the bad guys.  Can you tell that we love Batman in this family?  lol  It really was good though, I highly recommend seeing it.  Have you noticed that every single movie out in theatres right now is rated PG-13 or under?  I think that says a lot about the type of movies that the public is wanting to watch.  There was even a statistic put out that more people saw family films in the last year than R rated films.  I think that is great, because it just means that it makes it possible for kids to join their families at the movies more often. 

After that we went up to West Point and had dinner at my friend Tiffany's house, we had a great time, and she gave me a manual breast pump that she had, and it works really well.  I almost want to say that it works better than my electric one.  It is going to be so nice to have too, because I can take it with me places and use it whenever I want, as long as I have someone's bedroom to sit in. 

While we were at her house though the movie Legends of the Fall was on TV, and I have seen it before, but I love watching it.  It is so sad at the end because Brad Pitts character finally finds happiness with a girl, has a family, and in the end, she gets killed, and then everything gets ruined yet again.  So, when that part comes I always end up saying that I hate that movie, because it is so sad, so I guess you could say that I have a love hate relationship with it, kind of like I have with ER.  I love that show, but I hate that show.  Too many kids die on it.  Drives me nuts.

Tomorrow Is Fathers Day.  I was really excited to spend time with my dad and I also gave him his gift too.  We will be going over there to visit him after church.  Then, around 4pm or something like that, we are going to James' parents house for a BBQ.  I am bringing the potato salad.  I wanted to make it homemade, but James said that he likes store bought better, so I did that, only to find out that James' Dad Rick wanted me to make home made.   Figures. 

I noticed that James and I have not been praying together a lot recently, I suppose that I could blame that on the baby, but it has actually been happening for quite a while now.  I need to really make sure that we start saying prayers together at night more often, and I need to just start doing it in general, as I have been so tired that I tend to forget all together most nights.  Anyway, that's all for now I think.  Sorry about how long it took to get these all posted.  Bye.

06.17.05
9:18pm

I can't believe that I am actually sitting down to write this at such an early hour. And this is actually the last thing that I have to do tonight. I don't know how it happened, but I am so very glad about it. If I am lucky I will finish this quickly, and get at least an hour sleep before Evelyn wants to eat again. Then, I might be able to get a few more tonight in between the next ones. I really am in shock, the rest of my house is all clean. Like really clean too, not just ok. But anyway, enough about that. That's the kind of stuff that only I care about. You know what that reminds me of, for whatever reason it reminds me of the fact that when you see someone you know, and you ask them how they are doing, you don't really want a truthful answer. Really, all you want is for them to say that they are doing good, then you can end the conversation, and move on. I myself can admit to being one of those annoying people at some time or another and actually telling someone how I was really doing, whether it was that I was sick or not I can't remember, but I do know that I realized what I was doing as soon as I started. I am sure that they were annoyed, I know I would have been. I mean when you are walking somewhere, and see someone, you really don't have time to stop and have a 30 minute conversation about how horrible your life is. Now, if that person had sat down on a bench next to you, and then asked about your life, I would say that is an open invitation to tell them every horrible event you have experienced since you last saw them, but otherwise, if your just saying hi in passing, you should really just say that you are doing good. That's just seems like the polite thing to do. After all, they were nice enough to say hello, you can be nice enough to not hold them up from where they are going.

So has anyone heard about the list Forbes put out about the top 100 celebrities. They base the list on earnings, magazine covers, and media coverage. Well guess who number 1 is? Oprah! Big surprise there huh? Of course she is number one. That lady could tell you that it is healthier to eat one hot dog a day and the whole world would do it. Second place went to Tiger Woods,and third place went to Mel Gibson. I guess he was number 1 last year, probably because of his movie. And here is a good question, how in the heck did Shaquile O'Neal get to be number 5? That guy is useless. I hardly ever hear about him, unless it is just for the sports stuff, so I don't see how he got on there. And Angelina Jolie wasn't even on the list at all, if you ask me she should be on there just for how amazing she looks. But that's just me.

LOL...in the health watch on the cbsnews.com website it says, "Men often resistant to Heath Care." LOL Once again they are reporting on something that is so completely obvious. I can't tell you how often James has refused to go to the doctor for things, and even worse, refused to take medicine. Even simple Tylenol for headache is not accepted half the time. My dad is a little bit better, but he would still rather lay at home and act like he is dying.

Speaking of life and death though, there is a lady right now in Virginia who is brain dead, but pregnant, and her husband is keeping her on life support in hopes that she will survive long enough for the baby to be delivered. Now let me tell you, I am not the kind of person who would want to be kept on life support, especially with the problems that this lady has, but, if I was pregnant, you better believe that I would. Keep me alive as long as possible, in hopes that the baby can live. I think that is the right thing to do. Anyway, ther is my two cents. Gotta go now. Bye.
 

06.16.05
10:54pm

I am going to try to make this quick, since Evelyn is actually asleep. Happy Birthday James!!! That's right, today he turned 26...and I surprised him when he came home with a present. I got him a new backpack for work that actually is meant to hold a laptop computer in it. It is really nice and he likes it. I was really glad. Plus, he received a total of $65.00 in movie certificates, so we will be going to see quite a few movies in the coming weekends I am sure. That is going to be awesome. I can't wait to see Mr. & Mrs. Smith. I love Angelina Jolie, she is so gorgeous.

Today was crazy though. I felt overwhelmed a couple times today, at one point some tears of frustration almost came out. It seems like there are certain parts of the day where there is something important that I need to do, like pump some milk out, and then at the same time, Isaiah needs something, and Evelyn gets hungry. I feel like I can not get anything done. I was amazed when I actually did have the house clean today. Although right now there are still some things that I want to clean up, but I am going to try my very best to resist my urge to do it and just go to bed after I am done doing this. It's crazy, I do fine when it is just Evelyn here, or just Isaiah, but with both I am still having trouble getting a groove. I end up feeling very flustered. I feel bad for Isaiah too, he has been crying a lot more out of frustration too. I feel bad that I can't do the things that he wants me to do right a way anymore, but I can't help it. I try telling him that I will do it when I am done feeding the baby, or done burping her, whatever it may be, but he just tells me to be done. I don't think that he really gets it yet. I feel so bad about it. Act one point today I told him that I was sorry, but that I wasn't going to be able to help him until I was done feeding her, and that he would just have to wait, then at the end I added, that I didn't know what else to tell him. He ran off crying. The poor kid must be feeling confused, because I was just talking to him, I didn't yell at him, so it wasn't like I was yelling it, I was just telling him. I hope that he gets the hang of things soon. Pray for him please.

Also today I went and purchased my Batman movie tickets for my dad and I. Then I went and bought him a father's day gift. I think that instead of giving him that on Fathers Day though that I will give them to him before we go to the movies, since it is kind of a day for just us. Then I will just hang out with him on Sunday after church.

Anyway, I am going to end this for now...I am going to try to get more than 4 hours sleep tonight. lol....actually, due to my lack of sleep, maybe you should be praying for my sanity too. lol.. Bye.

P.S. Sorry I didn't get this posted right away, but we were having internet problems last night.

06.15.05
9:16pm

Today is the day. Batman Begins is now in theatres! James is going tonight with two of his friends and Isaiah. It started at nine, so they won't be back till after 11pm. Isaiah took a late nap so that way he would be awake for it. I think that he is going to love it. I had him wear his Batman shirt too, he looked cute. Although black is my favorite color, so I guess I am a little bit bias. But whatever. I was somewhat less flustered today. And since James has been gone, (the time is now 10:03pm) I have actually been able to get a lot done. Maybe it just helps for it to just be me and Evelyn. You know, I bet that if I had a couple of says alone with Evelyn, that I would be able to get the hang of things a lot faster. That won't happen though. lol Oh well. Kevin is staying the night again too, since the movie will be getting out so late, and all 3 of them have to go to work at the same place, he figures it just makes more sense. Funny how all James and his friends all work together huh? Actually Kevin is the one who got James that job 3 1/2 years ago. Or is it 4 years? I have no idea. But it doesn't matter.

Anyway, so part of getting Isaiah tired for the day included taking him to Lodi Lake, we did a lot of walking, and played on two play grounds. He also got freaked out by all the geese that decided to walk by us. He really didn't like them. I think it was all the noises they made. But who can blame him, they do look kind of freaky.

I went through my closet tonight and got rid of a bunch of clothes. I am going to give them all to the GoodWill. I hardly have anything left, but I figure that it doesn't matter much because once I start working out with my dad I am going to lose a lot of weight and those will be too big for me anyway.

James just got back from the movies, he said that Batman was really good. Isaiah did really great, and everybody would laugh he said when Isaiah would yell out "WOW!" But he said that another couple also brought a very young kid, probably 1 year old or something, and the child would cry once in a while. But evidently some young teenage boys were not liking it and they decided to say, rather loudly, "Ugh, shut up already." How rude huh. I mean James said that it wasn't a bad cry, like it didn't last long and it certainly wasn't ruining the movie. That is one of the many things that I can't stand about the young people in this world, they have no ability to be understanding of situations. Or even to try to make the best of them.

People are so annoying.

Anyway, I gotta go...Evelyn needs me. Bye.

06.14.05
11:39pm

I just read that this evening, around 7:50 pm a 7.0 earthquake hit Crescent City here in California. That is 300 miles away from Sacramento. That is a really big quake if you ask me. And that is the second earthquake in the last two weeks isn't it? It occurred to me, and this may be a silly thing to think of, that these could be some signs that Jesus is coming soon, that the world is going to start going through all those horrible events. If that is the case, I really do hope that God just takes us all soon. Because I don't want to die yet. I don't mind if God just takes us all in the blink of an eye, but I don't want to die. You know what I mean? I don't want to experience the pain, or sadness of someone else I know dying. I don't want there to be some big flood because half of California is sinking and me trying to rescue my babies. So...if these are some signs, I just hope that nothing bad happens that directly effects me, and that Jesus can come when he is ready and then "POP!", we'll all be gone. That is ok with me.

It is just the dying stuff that I don't want any part of. Could we really sink? I mean I know that the bay area could, but what about us in the valley. Could be actually sink? And if it was going to happen, would it be so fast that we wouldn't have time to get a way? Or would there be adequate warning and we would all be evacuated? These are the things that worry me. Mostly, like I kind of mentioned before, because of my kids. Taking care of yourself is one thing, but when you have kids, it's a whole different ball of worry. And I know that I would be an emotional wreck of worry.

Just thinking about the possible destruction of my city and possible death of my kids makes me feel like crying. I think that it is just a basic thing to want to protect your offspring at all costs. No matter what.

Anyway, on to something else. I know...are you just as sick as I am when it comes to hearing about Michael Jackson? I swear that I think the news stations have nothing better to talk about. All we really needed to know was that he was found not guilty, we don't need to hear from all the jurors and listen to them tell us what they thought. I know what they thought, they thought he was "not guilty". What more do we need. If I have to hear one more person ask someone else who "used to be friends with him" what they think he should do next, I am going to puke.

But you know what I do care about? Sleeping. It is funny how important sleep becomes when you get a new baby. It seems like there is just nothing you would rather be doing than lay down in bed and go to sleep. I have noticed that if I close my eyes for too long even, that I start to nod off. It is really pitiful.

But at least last night Evelyn slept for 5 hours straight before waking up to eat, so that helped me feel semi refreshed. So, I think that's all. I am going to try to sleep now. Bye folks.

06.13.05
11:36pm

Well, it was a very hot day today and I must say that I am not enjoying it. And I feel so bad for Evelyn because I try to keep her cool by putting the fans on, but the breeze bugs her, and then the air conditioner gets her to cold. I don't know, she seems ok for right now. I hope tomorrow isn't as bad. I took the kids to the park today and luckily the shade was nice and there was a cool breeze. aahhh, Evelyn is still awake, I don't know why she chooses 11pm and on to be the time when she is most awake, but she does. And you know, if she would stay asleep all night after this, that would be cool with me, since I am usually up this late anyway, but she won't. She will want to eat at 3am, and 6am. So that just makes this whole thing difficult. It is because of this strangeness that I am so tired all the time.

When we were at the park earlier, there was a mom there who had 3 kids, the oldest was a son, named James. He must have been 9 or 10 years old. He was a very handsome boy, good sized when it came to his weight, and he was pretty tall. I couldn't help but get a little sad, because I could almost picture that he was Isaiah. I know that someday Isaiah and Evelyn are both going to be bigger, and they are both going to need me less and less, but I so very very much don't want it to happen. But then again, I do want it to happen, because I want to see how they change, what kind of person they become. The emotions that come with the thought of your children growing up are really strange. The thought of it makes you sad and happy all at the same time. And I am sure, since my parents used to always say it to me, that when they are older, I will always wish to have my baby back, because it will have come and gone to quickly.

Evelyn just threw up 3 times and pretty much lost all her food. So, I can be sure that I still will not be going to bed. I have her in her crib right now, but she is still awake. I keep going in to check on her, but I have a feeling that she....oppps, hang on, she just screamed...I better go check on her.

Ok, so there goes another 20 minutes, feeding her, burping her, and now, finally, I think she is going to sleep. At the tone, the time will be 1:11am. Beep! Ok, so even though though this is another short entry, I think that you can understand, after all, I have been awake for way too long. Bye.

06.12.05
6:45pm

Today was a good day. Church was excellent! I really enjoyed Sunday school, and was kind of frustrated that I missed the last ten minutes because I had to go feed Evelyn. But that's ok, she's worth it. lol Then, during church service, we had Tim Gentry back to preach, and once again I thought that he did a great job. I really enjoy his style of preaching and how he tells a story. I hope we have him back some more.

In Sunday school class some one brought up the question of what to do when you know someone who is a fellow Christian, but they do things that you don't agree with and quite frankly you don't like them at all. I mean really you just don't get along with this person and you even go as far as to try your best to avoid them. Is this ok? What should you do? You know, of course we are supposed to love our neighbor, and that is one of the most important commandments....but let me tell you that is a hard thing to do. I personally have a friend, who is a Christian, but I really just can't stand this person anymore. I mean I wish that I was the kind of person who could just call someone up and end the relationship, because it almost seems like that would be much easier than just feeling bad for trying to slowly break it off by not calling this person up anymore. Should I be doing this? No, I shouldn't, but I really don't like hanging around this individual, and honestly, I think that it is ok, in my opinion at least, to be nice to a person when you are around them, but if you don't like them, I just don't see what the big deal is about avoiding them. I mean it's not like you "have" to be friends with someone just because you are both Christians. If that were the case then I would "have" to be friends with every mom I met, or every girl with long hair. That's just not reality. I say, be nice to the person when you are around them, maybe make an occasional effort to hang around them just to be nice and see if you can. But otherwise, stay a way from em, that way you avoid the possibility of saying something that you might regret. But, like I said, this is just what I think, and I can certainly be wrong. Actually, I quite often am. lol

James wants me to know that he loves me, so he sat down and typed this sentence knowing full well that I might ACTUALLY include it when I post this.

lol...ok, so he typed that while I was getting dinner together. That's sweet.

Oh, and James does think that I am wrong about the above statements. I figured as much.

Wow, I actually made a really good steak. Usually I can not cook steak very good at all, but this one turned out really good. I am proud of it.

Tomorrow I am probably going to try to take the kids to the park. I still think it is strange to say the "kids". I get a smile every time I say it. It's kind of hard not to.

So last night I went to bed late, obviously, and James did too. We are both really tired today and although I don't know about James, I do think that I am going to be making a serious effort to write this thing out earlier, and to clean up the kitchen early too. That way I can at least try to go to bed around 10 or 11pm. I really need to, I am starting to get exhausted. It is wearing on me pretty badly.

Luckily church was so good, or I might have fallen asleep. As it is it looked like James was, even though he was listening to everything.

Anyway, that is it I guess. I am done. But, I will of course be back tomorrow night to tell you if I actually succeeded in going to bed at a decent hour. Bye.

06.11.05
12:42am

I forgot to mention something last night that was very note worthy. James tried to give Isaiah a mow hawk last night, but it didn't turn out good, so now Isaiah is pretty much just bald. He had to shave it down to a size one. It doesn't look horrible on him, but I don't think that it looks good either. Thank God hair grows back fast.

Tonight we watched a movie that we own again. Signs, directed and written by M. Night Shymalyan. That movie is excellent and everytime that I watch it I end up feeling disturbed and freaked out. I end up thinking about what it would be like if that really happened, what would I do, what would the world do? How would I protect the kids? And quite frankly, I think that Tom Cruise's new War of the Worlds movie will end up having the same effect on me. I think that something like that, an invasion, is a possibility. Not likely, but possible. I personally do believe that this universe has other life. I just can't imagine that God created all of that stuff out in space, just for us to look at and explore.

It just doesn't make sense to me.

The only other possibility is that God made it all so he could look at it. But I doubt that is the case.

I am really tired yet again. Church is tomorrow, and I need to rest. I know this is incredibly short, but I don't care. I really am very tired. I am going to just save this and I will do the question and quote of the day tomorrow. Bye folks.

06.10.05
9:22pm

Friday. I usually love Friday's because it means that James get to be home for the weekend and hang out with us. But my mental clock must be out of whack or something because it doesn't feel like a Friday at all. I am not sure what it does feel like, but it certainly isn't a Friday feeling.

I am sitting here writing this in my room while James is watching a Japanimation movie called Ghost in the Shell. I am not really interested in it, at all, so that's why I am in here. He likes those kinds of movies, so more power to him. The only one that I like so far is called Spirited Away. That movie was excellent. Oh, and I also really liked Princess Mononoke....I still need to buy that one. 

I am feeling really tired. And I still need to do the dishes. Bummer. I could always lay here though, fall asleep, and then when she wakes up feed her. Maybe I will, since I can do dishes later after she eats. Bye

Well, I am back, it is now 12:23am and I have slept, and now I am awake.  I need to go do the dishes still, but I thought that I would write some more before that so you would have something decent to read about.  I would like to mention that James' birthday is on the 16th, and although he always tells me that he doesn't want a gift, I still want to get him something.  The question is what?  I firmly believe that guys are very hard to buy for, if you want to be creative that is.  If you don't want to be creative, then you just buy your man the one thing that he will always like to have, in James' case that would be video games.  But I don't want to do that again.  It is so boring and so predictable.  I just don't know what else he would want though.  Then of course there is the fact that 3 days later it is going to be Fathers Day, so do I get him something for that too?  Probably not, since we don't usually buy for those holidays, most likely I will just get him a card and try my very best to let him relax and be free of household chores that day.  Ugh, I suppose that the odds are I will end up getting him nothing for both occasions, but I really would like to do something, any ideas?  Let me know by emailing me if you do.

Tomorrow my mother in law will be here to work on the mural, and my best friend Tiffany might come by and visit, so that will be cool.  I always enjoy that.  Having your girlfriends over is always nice because it gives you both the opportunity to make fun of talk about your husbands.  You can both make fun of all the dumb stuff that they do.  I don't think that most men realize how much his goes on, one day James came with me to our friend Lorenda's house, he had to work still, but just wanted to be out.  So he was working in her room using her internet.  Well, he could hear us talking of course, and by the time we left he said (laughing) that he couldn't believe how much I was bagging on him and telling stories about dumb things he had done this week.  I said well what do you expect?  I have to tell someone about what a dork you are. lol  Now he knows.  lol  Anyway, I am done now, really done.  I need to go do that stupid kitchen.  Bye.

06.09.05
12:23am

Well, there is an article in the news right now on cbsnews.com that is very interesting. Basically it is this....Should hospitals be allowed to offer emergency contraception in the event of rape? Many times pregnancy occurs due to rape, and most hospitals do offer emergency contraception to the victims. The pill given is also known as the morning after pill. It can prevent pregnancy soon after a rape has occurred. Is that right?

I don't know honestly. There seems to me to be so many different things to think about. The article mentions the Catholic church, and how they are against it. But of course they are also against birth control pills, which I think is ridiculous. Obviously, to me at least, it is wrong to kill a baby, 1 day old in the womb or more, but I can't help but also think that it would be incredibly hard know that your pregnancy resulted because of such a violent act. Now, that is not to say that I would take the pill myself. I would not. I personally believe that something good comes out of every bad thing and that God has a plan. But, some people don't believe that way, and since that is the case, shouldn't they be allowed to do as they see fit? It doesn't seem right to say to someone that they are not allowed that option because a bunch of people who believe different than her, decided that she shouldn't be allowed to have that option. But, then again, that baby couldn't help how it was conceived, and also has the right to life. That baby, in my opinion, has the right to live and thrive to the best of it's ability. Ugh, it really is a hard topic to discuss. I imagine it is one of those topics that you could go on for hours about. You know what would be neat? If at church there was a "class" of sorts that was all about relating current events to the bible. Like taking the topic of abortion, including how it relates to people doing it because of rape, or incest, etc...and then looking in the bible and seeing what it says about the topic, then discussing it further. You could also do many other topics, such as stem cell research, war, adultery, divorce. These are topics that people have very strong opinions about and I imagine it would take many sessions just to finish one topic, and that a lot of people would go to it.

Man, I can't believe I am up so late. The reason why though is because I had a very long nap that lasted until 7pm. Isaiah did too, which is why he keeps getting out of bed and saying that he is done. He just got sent back not too long ago. I can only hope that this means that he will sleep in and then I will also get to sleep in. The doctor appointments went really great today. Evelyn now weighs 9 pounds and 12 ounces. She has already grown over 2 inches. She is now 21 1/2 inches long. WOW How did that happen? She doesn't look longer to me. I didn't even notice a change. Isaiah on the other hand has grown 4 inches in the last year. Dang that kid is like a weed. Dr. Aquilar said that Isaiah is doing good though. He said not to worry about his vocabulary. He said that as long as Isaiah is exposed to us talking, that he is still learning, and that odds are he will catch up by time he starts school. He did say though that it might not be a bad idea to call a school and have there speech therapist check him out, just to be on the safe side. It did make me feel a lot better though. He said that it is not our fault at all and that even his own child went through the same thing. Whew! What a relief.

And I am also doing pretty good on taking both kids out with me. Isaiah waits for me to get her out first, and then he gets out of the car next. After that it is just grabbing any bags that I have and we are off. It actually isn't as time consuming as I thought that it would be. And she is still such a good baby. I thought that she might start doing the whole crying for no reason at all thing by now, but she still hasn't, it is only when she needs something.

You know, right now, as I am typing, James is laying in bed next to me probably asleep, or almost there at least, and really, he is so handsome. I mean really I have a good looking man. I know that is kind of a random thing to write about but I just now happened to look over at him and thought that to myself. I love him so much.

Anyway, enough of that mushy stuff, we get enough of that from watching Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes. Which by the way, I was thinking, if I was a father, and my 22 or 23 year old daughter told me that she was dating a 40 some year old man, basically the age the father should be, I would be mad. But, I wonder if having it be Tom Cruise, America's nice guy, would make it some what ok? I imagine that it couldn't hurt matters. But still, it would have to be awkward still wouldn't it? Whatever. Anyway, that is enough for now I think. I need to go to sleep. Although I am willing to bet that Evelyn will wake up any time now to eat anyway. lol Bye.

06.08.05
10:42pm

Well, I am going to try my very best to write this out fast. I would have started writing this sooner, but I decided to play James a game of air hockey, and I ended up getting beaten very badly. So, another day has come and gone, and so far so good. I wanted to take Evelyn and Isaiah for a walk today but since the weather was kind of strange, I put it off, and ended up letting Isaiah have a movie day. He watched his favorite movie, Alien vs. Predator, two times. I am going to end up having that thing memorized.

Today though was a pretty good day. Besides all the movies, I am getting pretty good at handling the baby and Isaiah. And James and I are trying very hard now to teach Isaiah his letters and different words. I feel so bad because I know that his being behind in talking is all our fault. It really makes me feel horrible. But, all I can do now if just try to help Isaiah improve and one thing that he is showing some improvement in is his potty training. He is finally starting to want to sit on the toilet. And today I saw him grabbing at himself, which to me was him showing a sign that he kind of knew he had to go. Especially since he peed his pants all of two minutes after ward.

But, I am proud of him for trying so hard.

Tonight on the Late Show with David Letterman, who I might add is not very funny at all, Russel Crowe is going to be on as a guest. And evidently he ends up talking about his arrest and how deeply sorry he is, how sorry he is for having disappointed his wife, that he is glad that his son is not old enough to understand the kind of trouble that he is in. And you know what, I feel for the guy, because disappointing the one that you love really is one of the worst things that can happen. And I know that it would be horrible if his child was old enough to understand all this. But, then again, you have to take responsibility for your actions, I mean the man obviously has a temper problem, and really needs to get that under control.

Of course, it is just as easy to say that he could have been provoked, I mean the media is so bad now a days when it comes to trying to get a picture of a celebrity. I just don't understand what the big deal is. Why do they act like getting that picture is the number one thing in the world? Let the stupid rich people have their privacy. lol. ahhh, anyway, whatever.

I am done, sorry folks but right now my life is not very exciting. I don't do much so there just isn't much to write about. But, tomorrow is Isaiah's 3 year doc appt, and Evelyn's 2 week appt, so I can tell you tomorrow about how behind Isaiah is in his development and what a bad mom I am tomorrow. That should be fun. Talk to you later folks, bye.

06.07.05
10:41pm

James had a really strange dream last night. I think that it is worthy of mentioning, since he doesn't normally have strange dreams like that. He said in the dream he ate a mouse. And he could look down and see his skin moving around where the mouse was in his stomach. So, he decided that to get the mouse out, he should eat a cat, to get the mouse. So he eats a mouse, and the cat does indeed get the mouse, but now he has a cat in his stomach and he can see it moving around. So he had to get the cat out, and so he reach's in to his mouth, grabs the cats tail, and pulls it out. Now, I can only imagine how that must have looked. I think that is almost at par with how strange my dreams can get. I haven't even been able to remember my dreams lately because every time I wake up I don't have time to think about them at all, I just have to get up and get a bottle for Evelyn.

I had to go to the grocery store tonight. I just got back about 20 minutes ago. It was kind of a urgent trip since at about noon today we ended up having nothing to drink but water. And pretty much no lunch meat at all for sandwiches. So.....I had to go.

Anyway, other than that it really was a boring day for me. I didn't do much, since it was my first official day alone with both kids. I really wanted to just stay here and get a groove going. I think that I did do good though. Evelyn was trying to challenge me though by wanting to eat more often then normal. And Isaiah was having a slightly hard time since I couldn't do certain things that he wanted right when he wanted them done.

I watched some of that show today called "Fire Me....Please", it was really funny. These people had to try to get fired on their first day of work by 3pm. It was so funny trying to watch them do it. They were doing crazy things yet it still took till like minutes before the dead line for them to get fired. And, just this very minute on the news they said that a terror cell was busted here in Lodi. I can't believe that! The news said that the people arrested were trained in explosives in Al-Quaeda and the FBI was there and kids were taken out of school too. They couldn't say much more though, since I guess it just happened, and they are hoping to get more news soon. I can't believe that though. I am usually not bothered by that kind of news, because it isn't usually happening near me...wow, I am in shock... It just said they were doing a terror training camp here in Lodi. Well, I guess that just goes to show you that it can happen anywhere.

James says that he was actually glad to go back to work and get in the swing of things. But he did say that he missed me. That was sweet, although I don't know how much I believe him. lol. I even got to nap today when my mom came and picked up Isaiah to go to her house. It felt so good to sleep a little bit extra. Anyway, I guess I will be done for now. I need to do some quick clean up around here and then go to bed. It never hurts to try to get more sleep. Bye.

06.06.05
10:48pm

What a day! So many people came by here to visit that it was craziness. My friend Lorenda, then my father in law, then my mom, all with in like 4 hours time. It was insane. Because of all that, I ended up forgetting to call Mary and wish her luck for her graduation. Which I might add they are having at the actual middle school for what I think is like the first time ever. I thought that they always had it at the high school. I know that mine was there. When I had mine, I remember it was really hot outside and I just wanted it to end. Not to mention that since my last name was Arredondo at the time, I was one of the very first to go up, so then I had to sit through the rest. And at the time, we had the largest class ever. It was the same thing with my high school graduation. I was bored out of my freaking mind. I didn't even want to go to it actually, since I had already been out of school for a whole semester. I graduated early. I really only went to the ceremony because my mom and dad wanted to see me up there. So of course I went. Then for a good portion of it I wasn't even up there sitting down because a friend of mine was not able to graduate and was standing by the side of stage where I was seated and she was crying because she couldn't be up there. So me and a friend of mine got down from the stage and hugged her and stayed with her for a while. It was pretty sad actually. I think that she was only one class short of graduating. It was so lame.

Anyway, so we had a lot of visitors and then I also had my first day of being with the two kids without James helping me out a lot. He started work today. Tomorrow he will be gone for the whole day though and so that should be very interesting. I really hope that Isaiah and I do good with the baby. I am going to try to go for a walk with them, and I am going to try very hard to do things with Isaiah. Make sure that he doesn't feel neglected. He has been doing so good though, that I doubt that he will have a problem.

James has also been doing so good around here. He is so helpful, and he is so wonderful. I couldn't ask for better. And of course, he has decided to buy a Mustang when we get the new car in a couple weeks. I think that he is going to buy a Mustang Coupe. I guess that there are currently only 18 Mustang GT's left in California for sale, so the price of them is going up a lot. But hey, a Mustang is still a Mustang, so who the heck cares.

Well, besides all that I did want to mention that we keep getting gifts for Evelyn every time we go to church...and I have been very touched by that. It is so nice to have such a supporting church. It really makes me feel good to know that when something important happens in a church members life that you can count on everyone else to be there to help you out.

If you were in the late church service this last Sunday you might have heard Dan Malloy read from James' T-shirt which says "Let me drop everything and work on your problem". He bought that shirt especially for when we returns to work, because he spends most of his day working on other people's problems. Or at least that is his excuse for days when he doesn't get any work done. Of course if he didn't spend so much time playing solitaire, he'd probably get more done. lol. Anyway, that is all for now. Talk to you all later. Bye.

06.05.05
8:07pm

Today was interesting. Between my husband holding Evelyn up in church like she was Simba from Lion King, and then taking those 5 generation pictures with my family, it was interesting to say the least. Getting that many women in my house at once to take pictures is just a bad idea. Everyone was so loud. Poor James couldn't hear himself talking. Speaking of James, despite holding my child up like a cartoon character, I felt so proud to have Evelyn in the church service with us being introduced to everyone. It really touched my heart. I was very proud. She is so beautiful and such a good baby.

The pictures did turn out good though that we took today. I am going to pick out the best one and print up a 8x10 and put it in a frame.

I really enjoyed church today too. Our guest speaker in Sunday School was great. I really liked his message and the way he delivered it. And Dr. Cliff Hoff also had a great sermon. I was actually kind of sad to have to miss part of it when I took Evelyn back to the nursery.

I am really looking forward to June 15th...why? Because that is when the movie Batman Begins starts and my dad and I are going to watch it together. Did I mention that before? How when the first Batman movie came out in the 80's that my dad took me on opening day to watch it at the Sunset Theatre here in Lodi? It was really special to me when we did that together, so we are going to go again.

We have been working with Isaiah's speech today. He actually said our dog's name Coco. We motivated him by telling him that he could play his Game Boy Advanced if he did some words. It worked. And today he also wanted to go sit on the toilet. He didn't do anything on it, but that is progress.

James starts work tomorrow. It is depressing. I am really going to miss him. At least tomorrow he works from home though, so I will have time to adjust to him not helping me out as much. I hope that I am able to do ok without him. I think that I will.

Anyway, I am gonna go, I know, I didn't write much, but I need to get some sleep tonight. Bye

06.04.05
11:07pm

Here I am up late again. I am so tired of being tired. I really need to start going to bed every day at like 10pm. But the problem is that there just doesn't seem to be enough time in the day to do all the things that I want to do. Not to mention all the stuff that Isaiah wants me to do with him. He had a better day today though, I think the fact that he has a cold isn't helping him at all. We are not going to be taking him to church tomorrow, instead he will be staying at my mom's house since she wanted to spend some time with him anyway. James seems to be feeling better, so he will be going.

My mother in law started Evelyn's mural today. It looks so good. I can't believe how much she got done in one day. She was here from like 10:30am to 4pm. She said she is going to try to come every Saturday. I bet that at this rate she will be done in maybe two more weeks. It is going to be awesome. When it is all done I will take a picture of it for all of you to see. She also is going to paint some thing above her crib too.

Our friend Kevin came over tonight for dinner and I must say that I made a very good dinner. The enchiladas were very good. I made it a point though not to get any second helpings though because I have been doing so good with my weight loss. So far I have lost 20 pounds. Of course that includes the baby and all that stuff. But still, I think that is pretty good. I can't fit into my old clothes though, my body shape is kind of different now, so even though I have probably lost enough weight, I still can't wear them.

Which just puts me back to the whole thing of I can't stand any of my clothes and I really want to have some new ones. But, that is not something that I need to complain about right now.

Anyway, so tomorrow after church at around 2pm my Great Grandma, Grandma, Mom, Evelyn, and I will be taking some pictures together here at my house. There are 5 generations of girls right now and so we want to take a picture of it. Best to do it now before it's too late. You never know when someone will be gone.

But, that is about it for my day. I suppose that I might have more to write about tomorrow, and I know that I will on Monday and Tuesday as those are the days that James will be working and won't be able to help me around the house as much. It is going to be very sad and lonely without him. I am going to miss him. But, I'll get over it. lol. Bye.

06.03.05
9:40pm

Well, you know what is retarded? I was just watching the news and it showed about a 12 year old boy who was killed by a pit bull in San Francisco. Then it showed a lady who breeds them and she was talking about the dogs and how they get a bad rap. Well, you know what is lame, the only thing that I could think of was the fact that if I was that lady I would not let a news crew in my back yard with it looking like that. It was overgrown and simply not attractive. I know it is lame that I was thinking of that, but I couldn't help it. I'll tell you what though, I feel horrible for the mom who found her son that way. It said that she was screaming out for help when she found her son dead. I hope that I never have to experience such a thing. I can not even imagine the pain, it must be the worst thing imaginable.

Another thing that was just on the news is that evidently some people in Iraq wrote some obscenities in some prisoners Koran ( their bible, I don't know if I spelled that right) and now when they find out who did it they will be in trouble. But you know what, that is dumb. I mean it. I don't see the government caring as much about our own prisoners here in America. Do you think that if someone wrote "I hate Jesus!" in some ones bible in a prison here, that anyone would care? Do you think for one second that it would even get on the news? No, it wouldn't. Because they are prisoners that's why. The general public doesn't care about that stuff. But they should. I don't see why it is not a worry for people in our own country, but it is a huge worry about people who we are arresting in another country. It just doesn't make any sense. Maybe they should start caring more about our own prisoners first before they try to make me feel bad about others far away.

On a happy note, I watched the movie Meet the Fockers today. It was really funny. I love the first one and I really like this one too. I think that the next movie we are going to be watching is Oceans 12. I have been looking forward to that one.

Tomorrow is going to be a big day, as I said before. So I am going to try my best to get a good nights sleep. I ended up making a tray full of enchiladas for dinner tomorrow since our friend Kevin is coming over for dinner. I will also have some spanish rice and then my aunt is bringing some home made tortillas for us. That was really nice of her. I am going to have her show me how to make them sometime soon that way I can do it myself. I used to know how, but I lost the recipe, and simply forgot. I am not a very good Hispanic. I don't like spicy foods, I don't celebrate the usual holidays that I should, I didn't celebrate my 15th birthday with a huge huge party. Oh well.

Anyway, James is sick as a dog right now. Isaiah had gotten sick from his friend, and now James has it. He feels awful. He has looked like he is on deaths door all day. Finally tonight he took some good medicine and says he is feeling somewhat better. I hope that he is feeling good by time he has to start work, since they probably won't like him calling in sick. They need him back at work so bad. lol They are finally starting to call him up for little things, I think that it is because his vacation is just about over. I am going to really miss him being home. But at least I am going to have a car soon. Once we refinance this coming week, that is the plan at least, to get extra money and buy another car. It will probably be a car for James though and I will keep the Ford Taurus. I think that James wants to get a Mustang. Of course. He loves those cars. Anyway, I better go now, bye.

06.02.05
7:43pm

I am doing really good. I haven't taken my pain meds for quite awhile now, and really the pain is at a minimal. I am really glad to be healing up so well. It was such a nice say today too, I woke up with Evelyn at around 5:15am (which is so not my style) and when she went back to sleep at 6:30am I stayed in bed till she woke up again at around 8:30am, then when she fell back to sleep, so did I, until after 10. Yea! It was nice. James was with Isaiah and Evelyn was sleeping in the bed with me. It was perfect. I love sleeping in. To bad I won't get much more of that, especially when James goes back to work. Speaking of which, his boss just called, and I answered it. He is a really nice guy, but I hope that he isn't going to try to get James to do some work right now. Not that it would affect me any at the moment. He is playing a PC game in our room.

You know, I have been looking at my wardrobe now that I have started losing weight, and I have come to the conclusion that I hate about 90% of my clothes. That's not a good thing. The one up side is that since we are going to be refinancing the house in a week or so, we will probably get some extra money for spending, and then I get maybe get some new stuff. You know what else I have noticed, it seems like James always has more wearable clothes than me too. Isn't that backwards? Shouldn't I have more things to wear? But I don't, he always has more shirts, more pants, and don't get me started on the kids, they have way more things to wear than I do. Although considering that Isaiah's stuff is still under $5.00 each, I guess that is natural.

And, I just read about how a California 13 year old boy just won the US Spelling Bee. The ending word to spell was "appoggiatura", I can't even pronounce that word, let alone spell it. You know, the English language has got to be one of the hardest languages to learn. Think about it, we have words that sound the same as others, but mean different things, we have words like "gear" and "wear" that have the same last 3 letters, but they sound different. I mean it is so confusing. It is really no wonder that most immigrants don't learn the language right away. It is to a hard.

We have a bunch of different people coming by on Saturday to visit, and then on Sunday we have been invited to my best friends son's birthday party. I don't think that we are going though, I don't really want Evelyn at a party right now where a lot of people will be around her with their germs and their kid's germs. It is bad enough that Isaiah is sick right now. So we are going to go to their house for dinner another time. That way we still get to visit.

I need to start trying to get an email address for Evelyn. I know, why? Well I like to do that so that way family and friends can email Isaiah and her to just say hello, give advice, say I love you...all that stuff. Plus I write to them also. Then I print up all the emails and they go in a folder for them to read when they are older. If you would like to email Isaiah you certainly can... his address is isaiahmoore02@hotmail.com

And like I said, you can give him advice on life, girls, school, whatever, or just say hello and tell him what crazy people his mom and dad are. That's what most of our friends did at least. lol

Ok, I just got her an email account. It is evelynmoore05@yahoo.com Please feel free to email her and welcome her to the world. I will keep them for her to read when she is older. Anyway, that is all for me. I am so proud of my self for getting this done early. Bye.

06.01.05
11:24pm

Well another day is almost gone. That just means that James' vacation is coming closer and closer to an end. It is a real bummer. I am having way too much fun with him here all the time. Things are actually getting done. lol We took Isaiah to SomePlace Fun today and I got to watch him and James play there together. It was great. And since the girls who work there remember me they were excited to see Evelyn. We were there for a couple hours, and then went and bought a couple things at Target, and then went home. Isaiah was pretty tuckered out, so we put him down for a nap, even though he usually doesn't have them anymore. James saw a guy he used to know from high school while we were there though, and it turns out that he works for a type of home schooling that from what he said sounded very interesting. That is definitely something that James and I would consider, since the schools in California suck. James is very much against sending Isaiah to a public school. We would like to do a private school, through a church, but they are so expensive. We are going to look into them though, and see what the prices are. It's either that or James wants to move out of state where the better schools are, and I certainly don't want to do that. But then again, I also don't want to have my kid learning a bunch of stuff that I don't agree with (evolution & having kids learning about homosexuality in kindergarten) and also not learning at a level that is very good. Most kids in other states have higher levels of learning then here in California. But, I also really want Isaiah to have the experience of going to school and meeting all kinds of different people and learning how to make friends on his own. I think that is a very important part of growing up, and if he is home schooled, how is that going to happen? I mean yea I can sign him up for different activities still, and he can meet people that way, but it isn't the same as learning how to deal with other kids during recess for instance. Recess is almost as important as class time if you ask me, it's all about learning how to socialize. How to handle different situations with people.