Mother
Authoritative parent is very
accepting and involved in child's life, lets child make their own decisions but
at the appropriate time in their life. Sometimes they'll negotiates with the
child, and hears them out. They're warm and accepting to their children. Very
opposite to other child rearing styles. autonomy granting, which is being
flexible with privileges and rules as the child matures and becomes trustworthy.
They form a good relationship that can be firm but caring at the same time. They
give reasons for their expectations.
Examples
Acceptance/Involvement
My mom would take many pictures
of my brothers and I. She also did a lot of video recording; of us playing with
our friends, and funny things we did as we grew up. In her family she was one of
the youngest and she feels like they stopped taking photos after the first 2
kids. This made her feel unloved and unexpected, that is why she showed her love
and acceptance that she didn't have in her life. She tries to make up, that
which was lacking in her own childhood.
One funny moment on the video camera in 1994, she recorded my
brother holding me in a wrapped towel when I got out of the bathtub. She would
always wrap me up and he would hold me like I was his little baby. He'd have me
say baby things like "Goo Goo Ga Ga." That was back when he was sweet.
Control
Growing up in a Christian home, I was taught the 8th
commandment Thou Shalt Not Steal. I was punished with many spankings for
stealing a whoopee cushion when I was 7 years old. When I was in 8th grade I got
caught stealing at Longs Drugs. I knew what I did was wrong and felt terrible
when my dad picked me up. When I got home my mom sat down with me and talked to
me about how I knew what I did was wrong, and she forgave me, but I was grounded
for a whole month. And by the stores rules, not being allowed to go into Longs.
Autonomy/Granting
Throughout my adolescence I have misrepresented the truth to
my parents (lied) and this has caused them difficulty to trust me at times. The
adaptive control has allowed me to watch their discipline in action. I've moved
60 miles away from my hometown. In this year they have trusted me to drive to
Galt and stay over nights and transport people back with me to Auburn. This
wouldn't have happened last year; some of my trust was lost back then. Some
parents would simply say, "No." They have seen a lot of maturity in me the past
year.
Father
Authoritative parent is very accepting and involved in
child's life, lets child make their own decisions but at the appropriate time in
their life. Sometimes they'll negotiates with the child, and hears them out.
They're warm and accepting to their children. Very opposite to other child
rearing styles. Appropriate autonomy granting, which is being flexible with
privileges and rules as the child matures and becomes trustworthy. They form a
good relationship that can be firm but caring at the same time. They give
reasons for their expectations.
Examples
My dad always liked to have one on one time with each of his
kids. Our father-daughter time was my favorite. We've gone to the movies,
batting cages, walks, and long drives when we can talk. He is really involved in
my life. I was doing horrible in school and was not doing anything to bring up
my grades. He decided to take me out and home-school me himself. He started
working in Auburn and commuting a couple days a week. I would come up every
other week with him. He taught me to I could do work on my own. In the first
semester with my dad, we completed academic work, including doing my driver's Ed
online and getting my permit and license on the first time. Learning how to
drive gave me many hours of quality time with my dad.
Control
My father was strict on making sure we were in the house by
our curfew for the night; not going to parties; and knowing exactly where I was
and If there was going be supervision. Those were some things I had trouble
being honest when I was younger. Since I wasn't allowed to be out past 11
o'clock at the beginning of my sophomore year, I figured, "Why not just sneak
out?" One night I was hanging out with one of my 18 year old guy friends down
the street; it was 4 am. My dad does bed checks every once in a while when he
wakes up. He woke up and saw that I was not in my bed and called me on my cell.
I mistakenly answered it thinking it was my brother. I told him I was down the
street with my friend. The guy runs of to hide and I see my dad walking toward
me wearing his police uniform (He's a police Chaplin). My dad made me call him
but it went to his answering machine. He left a message saying all kinds of
things and ended with, "Be a man and come talk to me." The guy did and I got
grounded for 2 weeks and I lost all their trust in me. When they ground me it
was know going anywhere and coming straight home after school.
Autonomy/Granting
My dad has a lot of trust in me now; since about a year
ago. I started talking classes at Sierra College Spring semester. My dad trusts
that ill go to my classes be on time, for me to do my best in those classes.
Results:
As outlined above, both of my parents exercised authoritative
parenting styles. Looking at the research it would seem that I would display
strong characteristics in these areas of competence an upbeat mood,
self-control, task persistence, cooperativeness, high self-esteem, social and
moral maturity, and favorable school performance.
Although neither of my parents were overtly permissive, I
seem to exhibit some of the less desirable traits. I will first describe
specific of development in these areas, and attempt to explain the possible
reason for the contradiction.
One trait I exhibit is my upbeat mood, I'm happy most of the time and I love to
laugh. I was a cheerleader before I got taken out of Galt High. I was the
captain on the JV Warriors. Being a cheerleader requires self-esteem, and to be
in leadership; enough self-esteem that others follow my leadership.
In the area of self-control contrary to the research, this has not been one of
my strong traits. Perhaps this is an area I will grow into. Recently I've been
trying to work on my self control. I'm trying to get in shape for summer; that
means going to they gym everyday; staying on the treadmill for a certain amount
of time etc. My impulsive self makes me want to have McDonalds or candy or
something to eat on my way home. Recently I've been working on controlling my
impulses through.
I've come to realize that the great confidence others place
in me as a childcare giver (babysitter) is due to a self esteem. I am confident
n my abilities and others see that, the parents that hire me acknowledge that
fact regularly. My own parents always commended me for being great with kids.
They're regular affirmation instilled positive self-esteem. When a mother of 4
children was in the hospital for their 5th baby to watch the kids for a whole
week while she was recovering.
Being a pastor, my father's intent was to raise me with a
strong sense of morality. I feel very strongly that babies should be protected,
even if their not born yet. I one I stand up for my conviction is to discuss
issues openly when they come up. For instance recently I was at my friend
Christina's house and abortion came up in our conversation. Christina and I feel
very strongly on Pro Life. We ended up having a 2 on 2 debate, then Christina's
dad could not resist joining in on the conversation. He had many facts that
refuted their arguments, in fact he mentioned a few things I didn't know. It was
a good way to practice what I learned, and try to make other change their mind.
The text says since I was raised by authoritative parents I
should have high task persistence. That is very opposite from me. I've always
lacked the desire to do my work, until my dad took me out of school and help me
accountable for completion of my academic tasks. My first major assignment was
to do a oral interview which I discussed the semester project and edited it and
uploaded it up on the internet. Perhaps I will become more task oriented, and
maybe that is due to my fathers discipline.
My emerging morality as a young woman, has been tested
recently. A long time friend told me she had leukemia could die within 9 months
. She didn't want me to tell anyone cause her mom told her not to tell anyone. I
felt the need to tell my parents, because I needed someone to be praying along
side me for her. My dad brought her up in front of our church and lifted her up
in prayer. For months she would cry to me about her pain, and I would cry with
her. It was a very emotional time in my life. One weekend my parents decided to
go to Galt to pray with her parents about her leukemia, and discovered that it
was a total lie. It has been a challenge on my morality to wait upon her for an
explanation and to be able to forgive her.
Conclusion: (unfinished)